A very simple dream

Born 1979, lives with her parents.
Teacher.
First consultation: 30-11-2005

P: I have four problems: the first was acne but this is gone for the moment… the second is eczema that results in infections… the third is painful menses and the fourth: cold hands and feet… I tried all kinds of things… Molkosan… cortisone… 14 days I had a bad ear infection on the right side… I don’t get rid of it… sometimes it’s both sides… it’s the only place I have eczema.
H: What causes you most trouble?
P: In the winter: the cold hands and feet and in the summer the acne.
H: What about the ears?
P: It started when I was 18 years old… it is in the meatus… an infections of the skin there… It keeps coming back and sometimes it takes two or three months to go away… Sometimes it doesn’t trouble me for a few months.
H: What are your symptoms?
P: Itch… mucus… fluid coming out… when it is very bad my ear is stopped.
H: How is the fluid?
P: Watery and not smelly except when it’s with pus… then it is yellow and thick.
H: What do you do then?
P: I go tot the doctor who tries with natural medication… then it becomes very dry and scaly… and very itchy… When I scratch, it gets inflamed and the worst thing is: I hear less… this is very annoying when I’m teaching…
H: So how do you cope?
P: I think I’m less productive then… I give more exercises in the class.
H: What do you mean by less productive?
P: Less active… less gestures when I’m standing at the blackboard… less new grammar in those lessons… Sometimes I even wake up at night and find myself scratching my ears… it is very itchy… especially after the infection, then it is so dry and scaly.
H: The fact you have this problem, how is that for you?
P: Annoying… I’m scary too: oh no, not again, I don’t want to hear badly again… it’s as if I’m under water… it is like an echo
H: What is so annoying?
P: As if I don’t have the same good contact with the outside world (HG) … as if I’m talking inside
H: How is that?
P: I want to break out (HG) like I want to break out of myself…
H: Can you describe this a little bit more?
P: I want to hear everything clear again…. I want to hear myself clear too… I’m inpatient… I want it to be over so that I can hear properly… Sometimes it is only one day, the last time it took ten days… this was terrible.
H: What did you do then?
P: For a few days I didn’t go to work… I couldn’t keep my head with my teaching… I was so fixed on that hearing badly that I couldn’t think of anything else… How long will this go on? I won’t become deaf? When you teach you have to talk all day, you have to be physically fit.
H: And when that ear doesn’t allow you to teach properly…?
P: I must say it has something to do with the breaking up of my relationship too… that was very difficult for me. I had to except that you can’t help somebody who doesn’t want to be helped… We broke up last month but in the eight months before it wasn’t OK… This boy is addicted to cannabis… I’m against that… I tried to make him give up. The difficulty is I still love him and he loves me… The problem is: due to troubles in his childhood he can’t surrender in a relationship and I want something from him he can’t give.
H: What do you want then?
P: Like all girls: get married, have children but he is 34 and not ready and never will … we talked about it so much… I thought: now he understood and will choose more for the light and less for the dark side.
H: What do you mean by this?
P: The dark side is his problems… that were too painful to get over.
H: What feeling did he give you?
P: I never loved anyone so much before… never I felt: this a boy I want to stay with for the rest of my life… Everybody warned me: ‘you will never succeed in making stop smoking’… I thought: ‘yes, I can help’… but my mother said: ‘he’s a bird for the cat’ and she is mostly right, so this I thought was really bad… I had to cry a lot.
H: What made you finally decide?
P: One in a discussion I fainted… from emotions… then I thought: this is not good for me, physically. I have to stop this, but I think it is very difficult.
H: What emotion?
P: I wrote him a very nice letter… that he had to choose… He couldn’t say ‘yes’ or ‘no’ and then I fainted… I hurt myself and broke a piece of my tooth.
H: What was your feeling?
P: Powerlessness… insecurity… uncertainty… I don’t deserve this… somebody who can’t give himself for 100%
H: In your letter: what kind of choice you wanted him to make?
P: A serious relationship or no relation at all… and he couldn’t choose…
H: You didn’t have a serious relationship at that point?
P: No… sometimes we didn’t see each other for 10-14 days… He stays home a lot, doesn’t come out… we only saw each other in the evenings or at night… We never did anything together during the day… When I had a free day we never went somewhere together.
H: Did he refuse or didn’t he take initiative?
P: No initiative… I discussed it but it didn’t help… In fact we didn’t have a real relationship… It was never named like that… we had something but what it was, I don’t know… something that could have become very beautiful but it didn’t… it didn’t ameliorate… I thought: when I explain him what I want, he’ll do it…
H: What was your feeling?
P: Stubborn… I love him and he loves me… I thought I can help him stop taking drugs… it was naïve…
H: What was your mood in which you’ve written that letter?
P: Quite optimistic… a good friend of mine supported me… Because I had so much hope and didn’t get an answer the disappointment was so big…it was too much… It was undoable for me… every weekend I was waiting for a telephone call.
H: Couldn’t you call yourself?
P: Yes but it was of no avail.
H: ?
P: When I called I knew he‘d say he had something to do and when he called it was to ask if I wanted to go out with him… But after I fainted, I thought: ‘it is too much, it is over’ but then I felt sorry: ‘why can’t it be like it should’ and then I realized: ‘I’m never going to start this again, this is asking too much of me’… this insecurity made me stagger (wobble) out of my balance…normally I’m a firm person, I don’t understand how this could carry me away
H: A bit more about this, please…?
P: I had a dream in my head…
H: You said you lost your balance?
P: It wasn’t pleasant: I couldn’t think of anything else… my live revealed all around one person… I neglected the others… f or a person like this… who treated me this way… he didn’t treat me well, he left me in that uncertainty..
H: How do you feel treated by him?
P: Wrong… I didn’t deserve this… He should have been clearer from the beginning, he shouldn’t have left me in that uncertainty for so long.
H: Can you talk a bit about uncertainty in general?
P: Well, in my job I can be uncertain too… I finished my studies in 2002 and I teach French but I have the feeling my French is not good enough yet… something is missing… I don’t want to make all the beginners mistakes…
H; More in general: uncertainty?
P: Not good enough… less than somebody else.
H: Was this also in your relationship?
P: In fact: no… I didn’t feel more and I didn’t feel less.
H: So your uncertainly must have been in some other area…?
P: Because he couldn’t say ‘yes’ and he couldn’t say ‘no’… it was this indecisiveness from him.
H: A bit more…?
P: Is this going to become something or not? Do I get a ‘yes’ or a ‘no’?… It was so exhausting because it was something I really wanted so badly… it was my dream (HG) smashed into pieces.
H: Can you describe your dream?
P: I wanted to live together, cook together, go shopping to the mall together… in the long run: babies… a very simple dream…
H: How was this for you when it was smashed into pieces?
P: It could have been so simple… I felt powerless, helpless…it was not only in my hands to make this work… it was also in his.
H: What impact does this have on you?
P: I learned a lot… it made me grow up and become adult… but also: it hurt a lot… Even at this moment I can’t listen to songs that we used to listen to together, it still hurts too much.
H: Can you tell more about the hurt?
P: Like a fist around my heart…. The feeling I’m breaking down… sliding away… It’s scary… it came together with the stopped ear. I became listless and indifferent… I didn’t want to become depressed… no man is worth that much… that I’m breaking down… I felt hazy, my head was unclear… it was at the same time with the stuffing up of the ear, I didn’t hear well.
H: Do you have any fear?
P: Before: very much afraid to fly, it is better now.
H: Dreams?
P: Before I fainted I had a strange dream: at my ex friends garage there were two cars nose to nose…very strange.
H:?
P: Something dark…. Black cars… the feeling was of being stuck.
H: What do you mean by dark?
P: Dark sky…. Something grey… the sky… (HG) a thick grey dark sky (HG) where it is difficult to get through.
H: What was the feeling?
P: Stuck… blocked…. threatening….
H: You said: ‘dark’ when you talked about your ex friend…
P: He wasn’t happy… he got many chances but didn’t do anything with it…
H: What happens with a person like that?
P: When you don’t take any opportunity to make something of your life then you end in the gutter.
H: How is that? Can you describe?
P: No work, no friends, unless you have a very good friend who gives you something to eat… but mainly it means: no job, no money to buy clothes or food… to do nice things… go to a coffee bar… no social life… before you know it you are old and you won’t get a second chance… maybe then you’ll regret.
H: Other dreams?
P: Before I had a recurrent dream of a cat attacking me… it bit in my arms and legs. I was afraid of cats for a very long time…. Until last year actually, now I’d like to have one…. My ex friend had cats and they used to come sit on my lap and I started to like them… but I don’t like big animals like horses: too overwhelming, they can walk over you and then you are
crushed.

 

This case was analysed according to kingdom, general understanding of the core issue, determination of row and column and finally to the remedy given.
Two follow ups were showed where the symptoms disappear completely and made the problem with the relationship belong to the past.